My name is Wilfred and I’m sharing my experiences of mental ill-health and the things that I think contributed it because if I can help just one person have better mental health it will be worth it.
““If I can help just one person have better mental health
it will be worth it.”
Things started to go wrong for me when I was 19 years old and I didn’t realise that I was getting in with a bad crowd. I was a typical teenager and I played football in a Sunday morning football team. I enjoyed playing football and it was always better when we won a game. I had a friend my age that didn’t play football and we used to go out on the town to drink on a weekend. One day he introduced me to a friend of his and after a night out we went back to his place. It was then that this friend of a friend asked me if I wanted to smoke cannabis. I remember thinking that I thought I shouldn’t, but because of peer pressure I did anyway to see what it was like. I remember I was slightly drunk and after
the smoke my head felt weird. I didn’t enjoy it and I left.
“I thought I was embracing a ‘peace and love’ culture
that was a better alternative to drunken fighting.”
I wish I could say that was the end of my experience with drugs, but I stuck with my friend and his friend, and after that night I went round to that friend’s place more and smoked more. I thought I was embracing a ‘peace and love’ culture that was a better alternative to drunken fighting. However, my football suffered and after I smoked my breathing got worse and I couldn’t run as fast. Eventually I became addicted to smoking cannabis and that lead to trying other hardcore drugs.
Over the summers of 1990 and 1991 I was hooked on the drugs and got into rave and dance and indie music which was big at the time. It was ‘Madchester time’, it was the in thing. I would go into town with my friend to buy the latest tape, record, or CD. We went clubbing a group of us and I drove my mum’s car to clubs in Leeds, Ossett and Morley, and we also went to Blackpool once or twice. There was something about the whole rave culture that made me feel like I had just found a secret to peaceful living even if it involved illegal activities which I think made it more exciting to me at the time. We used to
dance all night to our fave (favourite) tunes, blow air horns and whistles, wear glow in the dark necklaces and bracelets, and glow sticks were in. We used to take our tops off, shout and holler “tune” at our fave tracks.
I recall one night in Leeds and after the rave we ended up in a house in the middle of Chapeltown, the most notorious area in Leeds at the time. I recall getting a bit paranoid in there. I thought I’m in with some serious people here, could be ex footie hooligans turned ravers. I talked to a Leeds lad who said he had been in trouble with the law for dealing drugs. I recall sympathising with him because to my mind drugs and raving were a good thing and better than going out getting drunk and getting into a fight which seemed to be the alternative. I didn’t want to fight.
In 1992 I had a girlfriend, I went to a rave with her in a big tent and I got paranoid after I took a drug she got me. I talked to a paramedic because I felt weird. I got a bit ill after that. I started experiencing psychosis and was very paranoid.
“I think cannabis has destroyed my mental health. I
ended up in a mental health hospital because of it.”
Looking back on my drug experiences I’d say that drug use was not for me, I should have got a full time job. I think my so called friends they were using me for the car and drug dealers just liked me for my money. At the weekends when we went clubbing, dancing and friends were good. There were some dodgy people, but we stayed away from them. The overall problem with what happened to me was the addiction to the smoke (cannabis) and some of the people I hung about with. Looking back I would not recommend getting hooked on smoking cannabis or drugs. I think cannabis has destroyed my mental health – I ended up in a mental health hospital because of it. I’m
diagnosed with a serious mental health condition and am getting treatment for it now. I look at my cousin who has the girl, the car, the house, the job, and I wish that I had done the same instead of smoking.
“I still struggle with my mental health, but I am doing a lot better now. I’ll never do drugs again.”
I can’t change what has happened and I want people to learn from me and that’s why I’m sharing my experiences. I still struggle with my mental health, but I am doing a lot better now. I’ll never do drugs again. I’m in a flat, I’ve bought myself some computer games to help take my mind off things, but I’m careful not to spend too much time playing games. I go out for a walk everyday and sometimes I go for a coffee and read a book. I’ve started playing football again once a week and I’m really enjoying that
Resources in England
• York Drug and Alcohol Service – York Drug & Alcohol Services | Changing
Lives (changing-lives.org.uk)
• NHS resources – Drug addiction: getting help – NHS (www.nhs.uk) and
York Drug And Alcohol Service – NHS
York Ending Stigma
To find out more about our work and to join us to end mental health stigma in York, please refer to our website https://yorkcvs.org.uk/york-ending-stigma/ or email us on yes@yorkCVS.org.uk