Despite all the equality and disability laws, the world of employment can still be unfit for someone who struggles with health issues, like for me. There can be a lot of stigmas surrounding mental health and work, not just from employers, but from friends and family members.
“I have been out of work for 2 months now, and with every day I feel more and more hopeless.”
I recently lost my job due to my mental health issues – something I didn’t expect to happen in this day and age. But there was nothing I could do about it. I was off sick for a month and a half, and my employer was not very negotiable about a phased return to work. While it was probably for the best that I was let go, it left me with a lack of purpose.
I have been out of work for 2 months now, and with every day I feel more and more hopeless. All my days have blurred into one, and I feel as if I am wasting my life doing nothing. The longer I am out of work, the more I worry about not getting hired due to the gaps in my CV. I also have a sense of shame for being unemployed, as people may think those on benefits are lazy or scrounging off the system. But I need this to survive while I am unemployed, and it doesn’t mean that I am not looking for work or pursuing personal development.
“Some people may think that mental health is just an excuse to miss work, too. I often worried about this, thinking that I was letting my colleagues down…”
I want to get back into work so desperately, because I hate not having a sense of purpose. I’ve found that it’s quite easy to slip into a spiral of negative thoughts about myself. My motivation is at an all-time low, though, due to this lack of structure in my day-to-day life. It can be quite mind-numbing filling out application after application when I’m dealing with depression fatigue, and some applications are so long that it can be too overwhelming. The rejections are also a huge knock on my confidence, making me feel as if I am not good enough. As well as that, I have found it quite difficult to find a job that would be accommodating to my issues. For example, I am not well enough to work full-time, which does limit my job options. I wish employers were more flexible in the hours they offer, such as shorter shifts, more frequent breaks, or working 3-4 days a week.
Some people may think that mental health is just an excuse to miss work, too. I often worried about this, thinking that I was letting my colleagues down, but they were quite understanding. Some days I just couldn’t walk out of the front door, put on a front, and focus on work when I was too lost in my exhausting negative thoughts.
“Being unemployed is quite isolating for me. I miss the social aspect of work a lot.”
But I also am quite anxious about getting back into work. With my current mental state, I can’t work full-time just yet, but it can be quite difficult to survive on part-time wages. The financial insecurity is another added stress. However, if I do get a new job, I am worried that my mental health will muck it up again and I’ll be back to square one. This doesn’t mean that I am not trying, though.
Being unemployed is quite isolating for me. I miss the social aspect of work a lot – talking to my coworkers was always the highlight of working. I also feel so alone when all my friends are working and have restricted free time. Even if I did manage to meet up with a friend, what would I even talk about? They might discuss work, to which I’d have nothing to add which could further fuel my loneliness.
Interviews are another issue for me. I have social anxiety, so I struggle with them a lot. I often misunderstand the questions, my mind goes blank, and I fumble my words. It’s also hard for me to sell myself when I think I am worthless. But being out of work for so long, cut off from the rest of the world, has made my anxiety even worse. With every unsuccessful interview, my self-esteem sinks lower and makes me more nervous for the next one.
I want to find a balance, but it is hard when the world of work feels as if it’s set up for me to fail. I want a sense of purpose again, while also still having time to unwind. I want to be financially secure and fulfilled, without sacrificing my health.
” I am not lazy, entitled, or a bad worker. It just takes extra effort for me to put myself out there, to face the stress of work, while battling tiresome internal struggles.”
I wish people were more understanding of my issues, and that employers were more accommodating. I am not lazy, entitled, or a bad worker. It just takes extra effort for me to put myself out there, to face the stress of work, while battling tiresome internal struggles. On the bright side, I have recently taken up an online course to get some extra qualifications and improve my CV, which hopefully will open the door to new job opportunities.
York Ending Stigma
To 
find out more about our work and to join us to end mental health stigma in York, please refer to our website https://yorkcvs.org.uk/york-ending-stigma/ or email us on yes@yorkCVS.org.uk