This blog is part 4 of a 4 part blog series by York Ending Stigma Champion Bremner where he is sharing his experiences of anxiety and depression.
“I don’t feel anxious going to work anymore. I can confidently say that 2023 has probably been the best year.”
In the last part of this blog series about my mental illness, I will talking about the last year of my life starting with September 2022. Previously I mentioned my time in my old job, and how it affected me negatively. So, I quit and got a new job in retail doing home delivery. First, I found it quite tough not knowing anyone but fast forward a year and I’m enjoying it, well the most part and I don’t feel anxious going to work anymore. I can confidently say that 2023 has probably been the best year. Of course, I have had bumps along the way and recently I haven’t felt great, but it is a big improvement from the last couple of years.
“The idea of feeling like a burden to everyone is the reason why I struggle to talk about mental health in case someone might get bored of me or think I am attention-seeking.”
Talking more about those bumpy roads, I haven’t addressed much of what it feels like when I feel depressed. It’s very hard to describe but it’s the idea of feeling like you’re in a body that just feel ashamed of. I get this a lot, but I feel like a failure and a disappointment to everyone I care about. No matter how hard I try, I don’t feel good enough. When you add on top of the pressure that you are under to get a good job and have money it’s a recipe for disaster. The idea of feeling like a burden to everyone is the reason why I struggle to talk about mental health in case someone might get bored of me or think I am attention-seeking. I hate to say it, but it causes me to not want to be here and I get that a lot. What stops me from hurting myself, it’s because I’m scared. Not just scared of wanting to hurt myself but I am scared of everything, and I emphasise the word everything because I am. It may have been the best year in a while, but it doesn’t stop me from being depressed at times.
“It has made a difference to my health due to not focusing on what other people are doing but my life and trying my best to improve it.”
At the beginning of 2023, life was feeling okay, I was getting on with university, I had a girlfriend, and I was talking to my friends a lot more which made me feel really good. I was always occupied as I would go and watch football, which is one of my only hobbies, but also, I started the gym which I can say was great for my mental health and feeling good in my body, which I didn’t previously. For me being occupied has helped me, maybe not at the level where I am constantly under pressure but doing something I enjoy every day which made me feel a lot better. I have reduced my time on social media on apps such as Twitter and Snapchat which took a while to get used to, but it has made a difference to my health due to not focusing on what other people are doing but my life and trying my best to improve it. This concludes my final part of this blog series.
Resources for England
- Anxiety UK – anxietyuk.org.uk
- Mind – Depression
- NHS – Depression in adults
York Ending Stigma
To 
find out more about our work and to join us to end mental health stigma in York, please refer to our website https://yorkcvs.org.uk/york-ending-stigma/ or email us on yes@yorkCVS.org.uk