The perinatal period is a time of constant giving. You give your time, your energy, your attention, and your care round the clock. At times, it can feel as though you have given your whole self; your body, your mind, your social life; the life you once knew.
Because of this, seeing ‘Give listed as one of the Five Ways to Wellbeing (New Economics Foundation, 2008) can sometimes feel frustrating, unrealistic, or even insulting!
In this context, however, giving is not about doing more, trying harder, or continually putting everyone else before you.
Instead, Give refers to small, meaningful acts of kindness and contribution that support connection, purpose, and compassion in our daily lives. Importantly, and often overlooked, it also refers to the acts of giving back to yourself; the small ways you can remind yourself: I matter too.
The Five Ways to Wellbeing
When giving is gentle and realistic, it can support wellbeing by:
- Strengthening feelings of purpose
- Building connection with others
- Supporting positive emotions and meaning
What giving might look like during the perinatal period
Giving does not have to be time‑consuming or energy‑heavy. It might look like:
- Offering a smile or a simple thank you
- Sharing an honest message with another parent
- Accepting help / Offering help
- Speaking to yourself with compassion instead of criticism
These moments may feel small, but they are key building blocks of good wellbeing.
Small ways of giving back to yourself
Examples might include:
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Sitting down while feeding instead of scrolling
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Drinking a warm drink before it goes cold
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Letting one thing remain unfinished
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Taking three slow breaths with your feet on the floor
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Saying to yourself: “I’m doing my best.”
Another great way you can give back to yourself is respecting your limits and setting healthy boundaries. Giving yourself the kindness to know you cannot do everything and you will not always get things right. Give yourself permission to say no, ask for help as much as you need, cancel plans last minute or delay sending a text back. Sometimes giving to yourself is about doing less and respecting what your body and minds needs regardless of any expectations.
Remember: You cannot pour from an empty cup
You are the expert of your wellbeing and your perinatal journey which means you know best what you and your baby need. When your basic needs are met, even in small your nervous system has more capacity to offer calm, presence, and responsiveness which means we have more to give to those around us. Giving to yourself will not take anything away from your baby or partner, it is in fact, another way you support them. Babies don’t need perfection; they need a caregiver who is supported enough to stay well and connected. By resting when you can, being kind to yourself, and accepting help, you are protecting your own wellbeing and creating the safest foundation for your baby to grow. Caring for yourself is not separate from caring for your baby; it is at the core of it.
What can I give to myself that feels manageable right now?
Giving to yourself
Giving back to yourself in the perinatal period is not about self‑improvement or fixing what feels broken. It is about gently filling your own cup during a season that is naturally demanding and often depleting.
This does not mean scheduling weekly spa days or somehow being able to reclaim all the sleep you have lost. It means asking: what can I realistically give to myself right now? Maybe it’s a cup of coffee or a deep breath. Maybe its to stay in your pyjamas or calling a friend for reassurance. Giving yourself rest, patience, boundaries, and self‑understanding are not indulgent or selfish; they are essential to protecting your mental health.
This begins with meeting basic needs first: enough food, drinking water, resting where possible, and finding moments of warmth, reassurance, or quiet. These matter far more than grand gestures of self‑care and are achievable. Giving to yourself may also involve using the other Five Ways to Wellbeing; connecting with someone who feels safe, noticing your limits, learning something new in gentle ways, or allowing your body to be active in ways that feel supportive rather than exhausting.
These are not additional tasks to complete, or more to add to the to-do list but anchors for our wellbeing that keep us feeling safe and supported.
Giving to your baby
Giving to your baby doesn’t require constant activity or getting things “right”; it’s about offering safety, warmth and love. It is knowing your presence is enough.
Small ways you can give to your baby:
- Eye contact during feeding or nappy changes
- A calm voice, even if you feel unsure
- Skin‑to‑skin contact where possible
- Gentle touch or holding still together
- Letting your baby rest on you without doing anything else
- Trusting your instincts
Some days you may be able to give lots to your baby, your partner, your family, your work, your community. Other days, all you may be able to give is that you got through the day and that is just as important.
Giving to your partner
During the perinatal period, small, intentional moments of care that you can give each other work to protect your connection when you might both feel stretched or exhausted.
Small ways you can give to your partner:
- A thank you for something small
- A moment of listening without fixing or correcting
- Naming something you see them doing well
- A brief check‑in: “How are you really?”
- Sharing honestly how you’re feeling
- Gentle reassurance when things feel hard
- Respecting each other’s limits and tiredness
Giving to other parents
In a time when isolation is common, parent‑to‑parent support can reduce loneliness and create a sense of belonging that protects mental health. Giving support to others does not mean providing solutions or finding the perfect words. Often, the simplest acts matter most. For example: sitting alongside someone, normalising difficult feelings, or saying “hey, me too.”
Showing up as you are, with honesty and compassion, creates a safe space for real connection. These moments benefit everyone involved: the person receiving support feels seen and less alone, while the person offering support often experiences purpose, connection, and reassurance that their experiences matter.
When parents support one another in small, realistic ways, it reminds us that whatever we are experiencing; the good, the hard, and everything in between; we do not have to go through it alone.
Support and Resources
Give to others
Give to yourself
